I had to set the alarm for 12:55 A.M. before I went to bed last night, so we could get up and do my trigger shot. Is it a good idea to have men stab their wives with giant needles in the middle of the night? Hee hee. The HCG shot which will release my eggs, has to be timed just right for the egg retrieval. We're to be at the fertility center at 10:15 tomorrow morning. I started to ask Yvonne how many eggs she thought we'd get, but then I told her, no, I'd rather just wait and find out tomorrow. Besides, it's the number that fertilize that matters.

I'm glad to be done poking my belly and thighs with the little needles, even though there was very little pain involved. It's odd, the last few times I did the lupron shots, they hurt. I guess my legs were just tired of it! I'm dreading getting my hand poked for the IVF--that HURT last time. Just for a few minutes, though, then I felt nice and warm. They say you're awake and that the anesthesia just gives you amnesia, but it really seemed like I was asleep, because it seemed like I was waking up when they were pushing me back to the recovery room. Big day tomorrow!!

Comments are NOT working, by the way. I checked the provider website and it said they were doing some maintenance over the weekend, and adding a server. We'll see if it helps.

The cute RE with whom we had our initial consultation last year did my ultrasound yesterday. He was late, which made me late for church, after I'd told the director of our singing group I'd be there. He was apologetic, though. He called out measurements for 16(!) follies on my right ovary and still just the 2 on my left. He asked (as did the dr. Saturday) if I'd had surgery on the left ovary. Well, anyway, Yvonne (IVF nurse) thinks retrieval will be Wednesday. I'm waiting for today's call to find out if my trigger (HCG) shot will be tonight. I'm probably done with the little needles and can celebrate no shots at all tomorrow!

When waiting for my blood test Saturday, one of the other ladies asked if it was my first IVF and when I said no, she asked how bad it was. I said I didn't think it was that bad, and she said someone had told her the HSG wasn't bad, but it was. I told her that was actually the worst part of it for me (well, other than the fact that it didn't work, but I didn't bring that up!). No one's really ever talked to me or asked questions before and I liked it. There was another lady waiting and she talked some, too. I don't know why we all usually feel so afraid to just chat. Maybe we don't want to know that someone's doing better, or worse, or we're embarrassed. I don't know. Some of the ladies on the message boards I'm participating in live in the same cities, and get together for lunch or to chat. I'd like that. I've told several people about this this time, and they're interested and ask me all about it, but it's not the same as talking to another woman who's going through it.

I need to color my hair and I'd like to take a walk, but I'm tethered to the house because I'm waiting for the Fed Ex delivery person to bring my extra vials of Repronex. I got up early (although the goofy kitten woke me up earlier than I'd wanted to be waked up) to be first at the lab, and I was. It took 2 nurses and much prodding to get my blood (teeny little hidden veins make for lots of fun), and a Dr. I'd never seen before did my ultrasound. It took a little while to get the equipment going, which didn't inspire much confidence, but she seemed to do a thorough, although somewhat slow, job. I have 7 or 8 good-sized (over 15 mm, I think)follies on the right, and 5-6 smaller ones, and those 2 on the left are popping right up there. My E2 was 3116, and it looks like I'll be doing my trigger shot Monday for a Wednesday retrieval, but it could possibly happen on Tuesday. I'll know tomorrow. I think Thursday is my boss's last day, and I don't want to miss that, but I really want to take 2 days off this time, as I felt pretty bad for 2 days last time.

Had weird dreams about retrieval last night! I dreamed that my mother was there, and I wondered how she'd found out, because I didn't tell her about it this time. She was excited, though. I also dreamed I was being pushed around on my hospital bed (either that or it had a motor), and I was going around the room, where there were other women, including a girl I used to go to church and school with. She apparently had infertility problems in my dream, although she has a couple of kids in real life. Anyway, my bed ran into the chair she was in, which was like a dentist's chair. THEN, they gave me medication (some kind of light anesthesia), but sent me home to come back later. I was waiting and waiting for them to call, but they didn't and all of a sudden, I looked at the clock and it was 3:35 and I realized I should've been back by 3. I had my DH call to make sure I could still come back, and they said I could, but I'd have to have more medication. Apparently, I'm on plenty already! I often have very vivid dreams, but I think they've been weirder since I started this IVF round. When I was just on the lupron, I dreamed that DH could turn into a fish at will, kind of like Mr. Limpet, I guess. I also dreamed that he had my eggs and had put them into one of his testing vials (for his real fish room that's in our basement), but there were crickets in it and I knew the eggs were ruined. I hope I dream about something a bit more normal tonight.

I've been feeling great the past couple of days; I'm excited about job searching, I feel positive about this IVF cycle, and I feel physically great. I've got to get exercising though. DH is going to the country until Sunday, and I'm going to try to get a walk in when I get home, and another tomorrow morning after I go to the lab.

Speaking of, my E2 count yesterday was 1234 (I love the orderliness of that number), and I seem to have my carton of eggs (a dozen!) going. The 2 on my left ovary are looking good, and they're still thinking 10 on the right. I believe we got more eggs than we though we would last year, so at least a baker's dozen would be nice. I told DH that's what I wanted the other night. He threatened to up my dosage on his own so we'd get closer to the 17 we got last year. But my new mantra is: it's QUALITY, not quantity! Although 12 isn't a bad number anyway.

The wait has been longer at the lab this year. I was usually in and out in a half hour or so last year, and the shortest time this year has been about 55 minutes. I suppose more people schedule cycles in the summer? I'm sure it's simpler for teachers and people with kids in school to do everything then. My last cycle was in the spring. I don't remember seeing any pregnant people last year, either, but there have been this year. It doesn't bother me, but I know it hurts some people, and it looks like they could schedule the labs so people in for fertility treatments and those who've already been successful aren't there at the same time!

Well, great, I just wrote a long post and lost it. Hmmm...I was venting about Bible School and how I'm not able to job search yet because I'm going straight to Bible School from work. Then, a little before 9, I get home and eat, and then have fun with injections. By that time, it's about 9:30 and I'm not quite up to putting together CDs or writing cover letters. I may play hooky tomorrow night but it's the last night and I'd kind of hate to. On the other hand there is another crew leader (we're not really teachers, we just herd our groups from station to station), and she can handle them fine.

Bible School is certainly an experience, and makes me wonder if we're doing the right thing just a little. Because I like kids, but I don't like all kids. And there's always kind of a problem kid in my group. This time I don't know whether to feel sorry for him or ... No, it has to be at least partly his parents' (or mom, I don't know if there's a dad available) fault. He always wants attention, from the adults anyway, and always has something "very important" to tell me. The first night, his mom (who's also volunteering) told me he may need to be reminded to go to the bathroom because if he's doing something he forgets. He's 8, by the way. I was too late that first night. I was going to send him after playtime, but the other crew leader and playtime leaders noticed a spot on the seat of his pants while the kids were playing. And then, we think he went again. I sent him (and the other kids) to the bathroom twice the 2nd night. He also has horrible teeth and last night, he stank. I mean, really stank. The peeing problem could be physical, or he could be on medication I suppose, but bringing a dirty child is just neglect. It's just another of those times when you think, gee, I'd love a child, and there are so many people who have them and just don't care. Another newborn was abandoned in the parking lot of a local hospital yesterday. At least the mother got it that far and didn't leave it in a trashcan.

Hormones seem to be making me nasty now. Yesterday, there were times when I felt giddy and wanted to dance (not much like me), and then I was crying, but not REALLY crying. Last night and today, I just feel mean. Hmmm, wonder what flavor I'll be tomorrow?

I'm feeling my ovaries, by golly. Unfortunately, the left one is as much of a slacker as it was last year. The tech found 2 follicles on it this morning. Last year at retrieval, there were 15 eggs from my right ovary, and 2 from my left. Well, as long as one of them's working, I guess. They think I might have a hydrosalpinx, but I've never had an STD or used an IUD, or had an infection that I know of. I guess it's possible, but I'd think it unlikely, that it could've been caused when my gall bladder removed, but that was done laparoscopically and shouldn't have been too near my fallopian tubes. At any rate, my E2 (estradiol) level was 566, which was about where it was at this point in my last cycle. There are 4 follicles over 10 mm, and 5 or 6 under 10 mm. So, I stick with my same medicine dosage, and go back for next tests Friday. Some fun!

Changing templates seemed to stop the entries from falling off the page, yay!

OK, I wasn't just imagining things (and my ESP is very attuned--lol). My boss IS selling his part of the business and leaving, so he can try to save his other business. So, I guess there'll be no TV division of our company. And maybe no office here at all. That would actually be preferable, at least I'd get to draw unemployment for awhile. At any rate, I've got to find a new job. I'm not going to be a secretary anymore. I hate it. I've asked him and will ask the other former partner in our office to put in a good word for me with their friends at other agencies. I really need this, a job search while I'm trying to make a baby and am pumped full of hormones. It may be time to move totally away from radio/TV/advertising and onto something else. I just wish I knew what. If you're reading this and you pray, send some my way, please!

Since this is supposed to be about in vitro--the shots are going pretty well. I've started feeling a bit bloaty and achy, so I guess they're doing something to the ovaries. I hope I get as many eggs as last time, there were 17, and I believe 11 fertilized. Actually, we could just get 5 or 6, as long as there are a couple of good embryos that develop, I'll be happy! If one works, that is!

I still can't make the entries stop disappearing. I've tried the things Blogger suggests in the Help screens, but they don't seem to help. Ah, well.

I had my baseline ultrasound and E2 (estrogen level) tests yesterday. Yvonne, the nurse, called and said my E2 was good (low) which actually surprised her because she said I had a big cyst on my right ovary. She said it was clear and will go away, so they had me go on and cut my lupron and start my Gonal-F and Repronex last night. They went pretty smoothly, the Gonal-F doesn't sting like the Follistim did, but the Repronex hurt some. Come to think of it, it may have actually been the one that stung me last year.

Freaking out over job!!! My one local boss who is still a partner has been behind closed doors a large portion of the last week and a half, either on the phone or meeting with my other local boss, who sold her portion of the business a couple of months ago. I have a feeling, with no reason to think this, that he is also going to sell his portion and retire or partially retire. He celebrated his 65th birthday this year, and a good friend of his died recently and I'm just wondering if that's what's going on. If that's the case there'll probably be no division, and in fact no local office. I've been wanting to talk to him about it but then he brought something up about one of our (defunct) shows today, and I asked him about the other one we have planned. He seemed to think we were going ahead. I just don't know what to do. I HAVE to make more money, but hate to be looking for a job while trying to get/ or being pregnant. I had planned to ask for a raise a couple of months ago, but never did as we hadn't gotten anywhere with TV recently. I guess I need to send out a bunch of resumes in the next week or so. Of course, I'm not going to be able to interview on the days I have retrieval and transfer. I'm counting chickens, now, I know. Of course, the best thing would be to get an interview and take a job between transfer and finding out that I'm pregnant. That way, I wouldn't have to tell anyone I was pregnant because I wouldn't know. Then I wouldn't have to withhold information. Here's hoping I improve my situation soon!

I am not advanced enough to know how to make more of my July entries visible. I suppose it could be my browser, but I don't think so. I tried re-setting my archive, but that didn't work. If anyone has any suggestions, email me or comment below (if it's working).

Last birth control pill yesterday and I am glad. Woke up in the middle of the night Monday and got up and watched TV for about an hour. Nerves were jumping in foot again. DH says its nerves from hormones, and I reminded him that it had started before I started the pills, but it still could be hormones. I've heard that you can have perimenopause up to 10 years before you actually start menopause. Isn't that a happy thought? Not that my symptoms are menopause symptoms really, but I suppose it could all be related. So paranoid. And I'll be loaded with even more hormones in a couple of days. Look out!

I have my first ultrasound and E2 (bloodwork to determine estrogen levels) tomorrow at 7:45A--have to get up earlier. It's not easy for me to do that. I got up early once about 3 weeks ago to walk, and it hasn't happened since. We really need a new mattress; I have fantasies that when we get one, I'll spring out of bed at 6:20 every morning raring to go. Not likely...

Do we want this? Really?

Sorry, my prejudices are showing. I noticed my comment counter back up this morning, but the link didn't seem to work. Until I have the $$ to pay for any of this, we may just have to rely on my email link, but I'll try to poke in another comment link for this entry.

I feel like I'm about to crawl out of my skin. I don't know if it's the lupron shots I have to take, the birth control pills, or just my work situation. For a bit of background, I've been somewhat underemployed for the last 2 years. I was let go from my radio job for budget reasons, my boss said, although our GM denied to the newspaper that I and 2 other people were let go over a period of a couple of weeks for money reasons. Besides that, I highly doubt that the girl who took my place took a much lower salary than I had been getting. Anyway, I accepted a fulltime job at the agency where I am now, even though it was an Administrative Assistant position, and I hate, hate, HATE answering phones, fighting with office equipment, filing, etc. I took the job hoping to move into advertising. I have been able to write some copy, but nothing much else of interest until a few months ago when the TV producing stuff started. That's been at a standstill for about at month, now, and I'm going crazy. I'm feeling the need to start a serious job search (I'd renewed my online resumes a couple of months ago). However, I certainly don't want to start something new and then have to ask for days off for my egg retrieval and embryo transfer. I've got to stick this out a few more weeks anyway. I think I'll try to have a serious talk with my boss next week if I don't wuss out. I need more money, too, but hate to ask for it until I'm actually doing more. Hopefully I'll have a productive weekend setting up a home recording studio!

Got a huge smile today. I was walking to grab some lunch and went by one of the fancy old hotels in town. There were 4 ladies having lunch wearing big red hats, and a little girl with them was wearing a pink hat. Apparently, a red hat society meeting. I've gotten the red hat email before, even though I'm 12 years away for membership eligibility! It made me happy to see them in their happy red and purple!

It appears that it (comments) may have worked, dunno yet. I will need a place to store all these codes, so that I can just copy and paste.

Since I didn't journal during my IVF journey last year, I'm going to try to remember some of my stories from last year. I think this was my favorite... Soon after hubby's and my consultation with our RE (reproductive endocrinologist for the unindoctrinated), we were driving down the street in a somewhat hip area of town that's full of coffee shops and consignment stores. I was driving, and he said, "I guess we'd better get that" and I said "get what?" and he said "one of those". He was pointing to a triplet stroller on the sidewalk in front of a consignment shop. I found that very cute and funny and really admired his optimism, as I was thinking more about the approximately 30% chance of us winding up with a baby. I'm leaning toward thinking about the stroller, this time, although hopefully one with no more than 2 seats!

OK, I've had a suggestion to add a place for comments, so I'm going to try it--let's see if this works!

I started my lupron shots last night. Last year, I was so angry with hubby because he chose to go down to his farm the weekend I was to start. I was also angry because his best friend's stepfather had died and he didn't even go to the funeral home. Sometimes I really don't understand him. He won't even own the farm until his father dies and he only maintains it for hunting (something else I don't understand at all). I was very nervous and fumbly and crying with my first shot last year, and much of it was frustration with him. He was really wonderful and helpful with all the stimulant shots, though, and did a great job with the big needles (intramuscular). Moving back to present day, I didn't call him away from the computer last night to help and our bathroom is tiny anyway. The lupron is really a breeze as there is no mixing and I did it very matter-of-factly, as if I were a nurse, I thought anyway. It's funny how things change for a second cycle. He may be going to Cincinnati for a fish hobbyists' convention later this month, and I'm not even concerned. If I happen to need my HCG shot while he's gone, I've decided to ask one of the ladies at my church, who's a nurse (nurse practitioner, I think) at an OB/GYN office. Of course, he WILL have to come back for retrieval day, as something must be retrieved from him too, hee hee.

The hypochondria has kicked back in! I woke up around 2 a.m., and couldn't sleep so I got up and watched crappy TV. When I woke up, several places on my body felt numb (asleep) and I felt like I couldn't breathe, although I'm pretty sure I was breathing fine. Hubby says to see doc, but I just went 3 weeks ago. Dr. didn't think I should worry about crawly head, jumping nerves, etc. And blood test showed normal levels for everything they tested. Was just about to drift off around 4:15A when kitty knocked a glass over in the kitchen (it didn't break, thank goodness). Finally went back to sleep around 5 and slept for a couple more hours. I've felt tired today, and the arms are still bothering me, but I think the problem may be the way I lean into my chair. I need to get up and walk around more. I seem to be OK as long as I stay hydrated.

Such a nice thing! A lady whose story I followed last year on a message board has a great journal with info about her 2 adopted little girls and a wonderful new surprise!
Woody's Girl's journal

I feel pretty fortunate. I told my boss on Thursday that we were doing this (IVF) again. I'd had some concerns because of how it might affect a shooting schedule if we get working on a TV show again. But unless we start working on the horse racing show, it probably won't happen that quickly, because no one's made any sales calls yet for the local show. At any rate, he said we'd work around it. He's very family-oriented and has a lot of kids himself. On one of the message boards I keep up with, some of the ladies haven't been getting much cooperation or sympathy from the offices where they work, and some of them work with doctors and/or are nurses! Of course, I've taken one sick day in the 2 years I've been here, and still have most of my vacation left this year, so no one should have a problem. Of course, if our administration director knew, she might not be as sympathetic, since I can't give 2 weeks notice, but, I'm not telling anyone at that office.

I seem to be having some symptoms from the birth control pills that I don't remember from taking them before (they're the same brand, Ovcon 35, that I used to take to control excess facial hair). I've spotted a little and my head seems a bit fuzzy. Of course, I've been a total hypochondriac lately, and have been thinking I have ALS or MS or something like that prior to the pills. Nerves have been jumping around my body, mainly in my foot. That's probably from my new sandals. My head feels like its crawling sometimes (like it did the couple of times I tried diet pills-- I quit them pretty quickly after that), which is probably due to allergies. And the fuzziness is probably from the BCPs or just being me. It's all probably partly sublimation, too, since I'm so bored at work, and want to make more money, but am hesitant to really launch another job search. I keep thinking about getting back into radio, but I know that would just be the easy route. Doing a morning show or middays would be good with having a baby, though.

I'm pretty sure I wrote something between Tuesday and today, although what it was, I'm not sure.

Had mock transfer on Thursday, it was OK. My RE said we won't need to use the _____________ on my cervix, can't remember the word, although it's some kind of clamp. They didn't have to use it to get the catheter in my uterus, so they won't use it during the transfer. Dr. N. said they actually got a little smaller measurements this time, so maybe that'll help them put those embies in exactly the right place. Here's hoping! The practice has a new partner, and he actually did the procedure. I appreciated that they asked me if that was OK first. It was. I just don't want a crowd for anything like I had with my HSG last year. It's not attractive, and I was really in pain and didn't really enjoy having observers, even if they are going to be doctors. I need to ask before my retrieval this time if they can recommend anything to prevent me from getting sick from the anesthesia. I've only had it twice, once with my gall bladder surgery and the last time with the retrieval, and I threw up both times. I did have novocaine and gas when my wisdom teeth were removed, but I didn't get sick with that, just a little nauseous.

I met the new nephew yesterday, he's so cute. His big sister still really seems to like him. We'll see how that progresses! I imagine she'll be fine, I was about the same age (almost 3 1/2) when her mom was born, and I don't think I had any problems.

Hubby's out running around tending to work and hobby projects so I sent him to pick up a few items--toilet paper, Kleenex, and...condoms!! I noticed a new instruction on the big list from the Fertility Center--if the fallopian tubes are open, condoms must be used after starting Lupron injections. They didn't say that last time. I have one open tube, so do we use them every other time (wink)? I almost bought some at the grocery the other day, but I decided to let him choose. We've never used one before, didn't have any reason to. So now, in order to have a baby, I'm taking birth control pills, and as of Tuesday, we're using condoms. Wacky procedures.

I'm dying for some raw oysters. I don't really know why, I like them OK, but they're not necessarily tops on my list, although I do love sushi. Anyway, I've told hubby he has to take me somewhere for some, since I can't have them after I'm pregnant. Oysters tonight? I wouldn't mind the legendary aftereffects, either!

Oh, the big box-o-meds is here,
oh, the big box-o-meds is here.
Every day you'll have a shot,
so you'll wind up with a tot,
oh, the big box-o-meds is here.

Great writing, huh? And I did that on the spur of the moment. Makes my dreams of writing my goofy little movie seem achievable, doesn't it? hahahahahaha

OK, there's Gonal-F (follitropin alfa for injection), but this time I get multi-dose kits, instead of the multiple bottles of Follistim I mixed last time. Then, there's Repronex (menotropins for injection). Don't forget the Leuprolide Acetate injections (which actually come first). And Pregnyl (I like that name the best) which is the HCG which will make me ovulate after all the follicles have been stimulated. But wait, there's more! Progesterone in sesame oil--that one's fun--large needles. Actually, the shots themselves weren't so painful last time (it's probably the 30 or so extra pounds of padding I have), but they hurt more the next day. And there's also Doxycycline for after retrieval. Not to mention many sharps, a sharps disposal container, alcohol swabs. It's sad, it's really kind of fun to get the box and be starting again! And it's always fun to get a Fed Ex package, even if it's not delivered by a cute guy!