Ouch! I had my insulin/glucose test today. The vampire, I mean nurse, Wendy took my blood. She was my favorite blood-taker last year since she usually got the vein pretty quickly. Not as easy today, partially because I hadn't had any fluids (and I've only had a Diet Coke since then. I've GOT to start drinking more water!). It'll probably bruise, and the bandages they use irritate my arm. But, it was a very familiar feeling going to the lab this morning, since I made so many visits there last year. Unfortunately, the last one before today was just to doublecheck that I wasn't pregnant. Since I'd gotten a 5 and not a zero or negative number on my beta (pregnancy) test, they had to make sure it had gone back to nothing, and it had. I do have a good feeling this time.

Good meeting with Dr. N. on Friday. He and Y, the nurse, seemed really glad we are trying again, and I'm not going to be cynical enough to think they're just glad for the money. At any rate, he went over what we did the last time and the things he's going to change, i.e., not reducing the hormones before egg retrieval, taking a blood draw tomorrow to check me for any possible pre-diabetic tendencies (I'm not expecting anything to show up), and he asked me several questions about my cycle and any possible changes. He expects to get about the same number of eggs (we got 17 last year, 13 were mature and I'm not positive, but I think 11 fertilized.--Yet, nothing to freeze and no babies. Ah, well). My GYN told me in May that she'd had dinner with Dr. N. recently and he'd told her that they always do ultrasound-guided transfer now, and their success rates had gone up, which is part of what spurred us on to do it again. I didn't memorize all the numbers but the lowest one he showed me was 42%, which sounds very good to me, although I'd feel better if were 52%. I'm feeling very calm about this this time, but excited at the same time.

One of the best things about this cycle is that we should get a lot of the Gonal-F (follicle stimulating hormone) we'll be using FREE!!! Especially since the Jeopardy money is all gone (easy come, easy go), and most of this will be financed with credit cards and home equity line. I can't eat or drink anything after midnight tonight for my blood test tomorrow, and I'm going to have a mock transfer on Thursday. That's lots of fun, I have to go in with a full bladder while they poke my cervix and map out my uterus. Wheee!!!!

Started birth control pills again on Wednesday. Ah, the irony. In order to get pregnant, take pills to stop you from being pregnant. Science is great!

I have a new nephew! He was born last night and has no name yet. He weighed just a hair under 9 pounds. When Mom told me my sister was pregnant last fall she said, "I wish it were you". Now mind you, my sister does already have a little girl. But I just hate that my mom felt sad for me instead of just being excited. I was excited! I never begrudge other people their babies, I just want one (or 2) of my own.

We go see the doctor in a little over an hour. Hubby still hasn't gotten his blood test done. I don't know why he's being difficult now. Maybe it's the guilt thing. He was married before he married me and he had a vasectomy (I don't know the complete story, he's told me part and one of our friends told me other parts). I'm glad he didn't have any kids with wife #1, but he was only 29 when he had it done, what a goofball! At any rate, we found out last year with IVF #1 that I have a blocked tube (don't know why or how long or anything), so it's probably at least partly me, too. Maybe it's the money. He really hasn't said. We never talk enough about the important things. He dated me for more than a year before telling me about the vasectomy, and after I asked if he could have it reversed, he said he didn't think odds were good for it (which at least told me he'd thought about it and looked into it). We didn't talk about it anymore until we'd been married nearly 3 years. We were on vacation in Cozumel and he said he'd like a baby. The vacation had been OK until then, but after that, it was GREAT! We really haven't talked about babies much since we got the 5 on our pregnancy test last year (anything below 50 means you're probably not pregnant, or you have a chemical pregnancy). He did say after that that maybe we should move onto adoption--better odds for the money. Of course, I trotted out the brochures on adoption and bought a book, but he never had much to say on the topic. I decided to tie up some loose ends of other things before trying IVF again. He's still not talking much and I don't understand it. I've never pushed the issue. After he told me about the vasectomy I told him I wanted to be with him anyway, and I never brought up children. HE's the one who said he wanted a baby. I dunno. Well, onward and upward...

Ack! How much weight can I lose in 3 months? Well, of course, I can't really be dieting, because I shouldn't be trying to lose lots of weight during IVF, and then I may be pregnant. At any rate, my 20 year high school reunion is in September. I can't believe its been 10 years since the last one. My grandmother asked before that one if I was the only one who wasn't married (there were over 350 in my class). A couple of the other poor, unmarried girls got a kick out that. Of course 2 of the ones who found that funny got married after we did and popped out kids within a year or two. Sigh. So many pictures of kids to look at. I really hope we're pregnant then

Bored, bored, bored

bored




I love Sealab 2021 on Cartoon Network (Adult Swim late on Sunday nights), by the way.

Pretty good weekend, except for massive PMS Saturday night. Had to do some housecleaning before Mom & Dad came to go to lunch with us while hubby sat and watched TV after he shopped, attended to hobbies, etc. all day. I was very angry, esp. since he hadn't even drilled the holes for curtain rods that I'd asked him to drill weeks before. Of course most of the anger was hormonal. At any rate, we went out to a very nice lunch for Mom & Dad's 40th (!) anniversary. And after they left, we did some more cleaning and he drilled the holes, yay. After 7 years, we're gradually making the place look like a home. Now if we could just get all his work crap out of the dining room.

Well, good ol' AF is here, which means I start BCPs on Wednesday. Our RE consultation is Friday. I was afraid I'd have to cancel if TV production in Indiana was back on, but it's not yet, so my life is still mine for awhile. Geez, I dread spending all this money again, for a (maybe, hopefully, well at least it was last time) 50/50 shot at a baby, but I knew I'd regret it if we didn't try one more time. I know we wouldn't love a baby we adopt any less than one we spawn, but I want to KNOW what it's like to have a baby.

I need a raise. I need to get on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire. And I need to buy some gin, so I can have martinis until I have to start all those shots again!

I haven't tried blogging before, but I wanted to make sure I documented everything about my IVF ( and get back to journaling) this time. It's been another mostly lost day at work, but things should (hopefully) pick up soon. Unfortunately, the slowness makes me obsess even more and I spend half the day checking the IVF bulletin boards. I've checked out some of the journals on Babyzone, but I can't hack reading some of the ones with the poor grammar and wretched spelling. Why am I such a snob?

I'm not sure hubby is very much into this whole procedure this time, although he's not being discouraging, either. He's being a little grumpy about having to get a blood test again. We were so overcharged by our fertility center last year for our tests, and I finally got them to admit it and trim a little from the price. Anyway, I donated blood in December, so we can use my HIV and Hepatitis info from that, so we only have to have him tested this time around. He really can't complain--I'm the one who will get bled and poked and prodded a hundred times, when all he has to do is be stuck with a needle once and then grope himself to a picture of Miss August.