Sundry items:

Sent partial payment and nasty (well, not terribly nasty) note replying to nasty note and invoice from hospital where my laparotomy was performed. I wasn't informed about the expense beforehand and it was much heftier than I'd expected. Even the 20% I was required to pay by my insurance is a lot. I wrote the hospital a couple of weeks ago offering a partial payment. They didn't seem to be interested. I did the same thing with my RE, who is trying to charge extra for my IVF (along with HIS bill for the lap). There are wayyyy too many extra charges over and above the standard fee. Stay tuned...

I spoke yesterday with the employment agency that helped me get my last job. I hadn't spoken with them in 3 months, since I went in a few days after my employer folded. In fact, I'd thought about them a couple of days before their call and the thoughts weren't good ones. My contact, Pat, said "For a paycheck, how mundane a job would you be willing to take?" I said, "Depends on the paycheck." The job is yet another Admin. Asst. position with an ad agency, but one of the big ones in town this time. Apparently the person in the position now is none too bright or capable. One of the requirements for the new person is that they "must be smart." I took my last position hoping it would work into something else, and it appeared that was going to happen until the company started falling apart last summer. This position is offering the minimum amount I said I was willing to take, moneywise, and it would be more than I've ever made before, combined with my freelance work. I have doubts about my job satisfaction, though. I used to think it was better to have a job below my abilities, but in the field where I wanted to work, but now I'm not so sure. I'm afraid that they'll always think of me as "just a secretary". I don't think there's a thing wrong with being a secretary. And yes, I know the the admin. assistant is often the most important person in the office. It's just not how I see myself. Do I just give up on ever having a career that makes me feel appreciated for what I can truly do? And if I hold out, what if nothing better comes along? We'll just have to keeping putting off adopting until we're so old that no one will approve or choose us. I know I don't have to put all my eggs in one basket. I haven't even been offered this job yet and there's no assurance that I would be. I also know I could leave if it doesn't work out, but I would like some stability. I just don't want little Hope Addict to say, "Take it! You'd be in an advertising agency, like you thought you wanted! They'll offer you something better! Take it!" I haven't even had an interview yet, why am I so concerned?

My merit test for state employment was a bit more difficult than I expected yesterday. It was very job-specific, which is a good thing, of course. Many of the questions were easy common sense items, I thought. I'm sure I did well on the grammar, reading comprehension, public relations, and the section on putting paragraphs together. I'm not as sure about the business and state geography questions. It's pretty rare that I don't have a very good idea about how I've done on an exam.

I popped in a few days ago on one of the support boards I participated in when I was going through IVF #2. I went to the pregnant after IVF section because I was concerned about a couple of the women who'd had problems with their pregnancies in the past. One of them had her baby a bit prematurely but got to take her home about a week ago. Another woman had an excrutiatingly slow-rising beta during her second IVF (which was the same time as mine), and finally had a miscarriage. I found out that she tried again and is now pregnant. I'm so happy for her. And, of course, it made me want to try it again. Understand, this is completely out of the question financially. But my 4th head (I also have the little angel and devil heads. One of my friends thinks it funny that the angel has a British accent.) is saying, "it would work this time, I'm sure of it. Probably twins!! Maybe triplets!!!" I wish that head would get a good job and pay for that next go-round.

I just ordered Carrie's book--yay! And I live near an Amazon distribution center so it'll probably be here by Friday--yay!

Check out Julie for a story about Cialis and canned ham!!??!!!

Is it just me or does anyone else start humming Jefferson Airplane when they see the Cialis commercials? Go see Alice, to make it 10 feet tall.

I haven't checked in for awhile, but there's not much new. Still no job. I'm registered for some jobs through the state department of personnel, and on Friday will take a test to be qualified for another job. It would be sweet irony--it's with the state cabinet that was my former firm's biggest client. I'm not holding my breath because I have the wrong party affiliation for my state's current administration.

I'm reading The Complete Idiot's Guide to Adoption. I think we need to go on and start this process, even without my having a job. It's going to take awhile, and I am going to find employment, even if it doesn't seem like it right now. My parents are more than willing to help us out financially. I'm just so independent that I hate the idea of borrowing money from them, but as I recall, they borrowed money from my grandparents when they were about the same age G and I are now. And this is certainly a fabulous reason to accept money. It's nice to know that our families will be so behind us on this.

What Is Your Battle Cry?

Zang! Who is that, striding on the fields! It is Tbirdy, hands clutching a thorned whip! And with a mighty grunt, her voice cometh: "Brace yourself, oh human speck of dust! I hereby snap and go berzerk!"

Find out! Enter username: Are you a girl, or a guy ?

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Wicked, wicked little minions in green!! Preying upon innocent females in the throes of menses!! Foisting their delectable temptations upon hormone-addled women. Alas, I succumbed.

(Dang, these Thin Mints are good. And so is this new discovery, Double Dutch, a chocolate chocolate chip cookie.)

my spacebuttonis stiicking. I thinkkit'sG'sfault.He's back intohisbeekeepingandmultiplesurfacesin ourhouse are covered with honey. He mademead theotherday. I hope it's good. He also has 2 batches of homebrewedbeergoing.Wedon't knowifthey're OK yet ornot.

Just when I think I've gotten out, it keeps pulling me back in... I'm reading even more blogs now, but not on quite as regular a basis. It's nice to feel connected, particularly without a job to go to.

I'm experimenting with a new blog, but will probably not be able to maintain it, as it costs $$, something I'm pretty much devoid of right now. Here it is, if you're curious.

My 4-year-old niece invited us to her dance recital yesterday. It's on Mother's Day. I said we'd go--I don't think it will be a problem. I don't usually have real issues being around little kids or babies. When I hear about people getting pregnant, I have more of an "it figures" attitude than "why isn't it me?", although there's a hint of that in the mix. I did decide a couple of years ago that I won't go to church on Mother's Day anymore. It's a little thing, but it bugs me more than anything else. They give little plants out to all the women. I have people trying to force plants on me that I don't want. It's not Women's Day, it's Mother's Day. I don't need a begonia ( or whatever it is) to remind me that I'm not a mother yet. I know it every day.

I always imagine making The Big Announcement around this time of year. You know the one, "next year we'll have someone for the Easter Bunny to visit". "Next year I'll get to have a Mother's Day. I guess it's because it's spring, and all the baby animals are out. I'm ready for my announcement. Just tired of waiting.

Monday was a bad day. For some reason, my PMS symptoms now seem to hit me nearly a week before AF shows her ugly face. They used to hold off until a couple of days before the flood. And I don't know why, but the few times I get the urge to clean seem to coincide with PMS. And that means I'm usually a weeping mess before I've really accomplished anything. Noisy sobs, face down on the bed, railing at God, all of that. Why can't I get a job, why can't I have a family, why don't I have a decent house to live in, why is my small house jam-packed with G's many hobbies, why am I such a failure? It was like that. At least I recognize that it was mostly PMS. I did get some cleaning done, and today, I'm painting the bathroom. It will get better.

On the plus side, after all my crying, I had an inspiration for second cheesy song for cheesy movie, and then ordered pizza.

I think I need to get into some kind of club--a women's club, cards, something. I have church groups, but unfortunately, church is adding stress lately. I'm on the committee that deals with staff issues, hiring, firing, etc., and things have gotten a bit sour. There are staff issues and it's sometimes difficult to keep both a Christian and a business perspective.

Pray

If you pray (and I do, but not enough), please pray for:

Michele

She is having heart valve replacement surgery tomorrow.

Getupgrrl

who has had another blow. Yet more proof that life is not fair.

Maria

who in the last week has received, lost and received again, a wonderful gift.