Friday was a bad day at work. More boredom, nothing to do, and if there is something to do, it's making copies, answering phones, yada yada. Plus, hubby said he was going to the farm this weekend, and I really did not want that. And I didn't say so. I don't, most of the time. Of course, then I would have been mad when he came home today, and we'd (I'd) have gone through one of those "if you loved me, you'd KNOW you should've stayed home". I try not to be that kind of wife, although I do think these things. I was thinking about just having ice cream for supper--wasn't very hungry anyway. Well, he didn't go to the farm, and he made eggplant parmesan, with eggplant, tomatoes and basil fresh from the garden. Oh my, it was great, and I was of course hungry as soon as I caught a whiff of the basil. He did go to the country yesterday morning, but I was fine with it by then, and did a lot of running around pissing money away. I bought martini glasses plus a mixing glass, a Matchbox Twenty CD (it's great), a cappucino, and I got my car washed at a full-service carwash, and it looks great inside and out. Did some crying yesterday, but that was at least partly due to PMS ( as was Friday, I suppose). I have a cuddly kitty in my lap right now and she's very comforting.

I have gone through many emotions the past few days. I have been a Christian all my life and I know God has a plan for me, but I keep questioning what it is. And then I feel guilty for questioning. And then I get mad for feeling guilty. Vicious cycle. I'm 38, and I certainly haven't had much of a career yet. I had one job that I liked, and I really liked it for about a year. Then it was yanked out from under me 2 months after I got engaged. I don't know what I should be doing. I feel like such a failure sometimes, although I know I'm not really. I often have Colonel Sanders in the back of my mind. Not the chicken, but the fact that he was not successful until he was in his 60s, and then he was very successful. I don't want to wait until I'm in my 60s, though.